everyone keep on telling me to give my a body a rest before trying again. some go as far as to tell me to "take this whole year off from 'project baby' ". i know they mean well & want the best for me. after all, these are people who are my family (literally & friends who I have adopted as my family).
however, i do not think that they can even begin to grasp the yearning inside of me to try as soon as possible. it is so, so strong that sometimes it hurts - physically. i am not trying to replace my babies who are with God now. nothing can replace them. besides every pregnancy experience is different. they were all special journeys, each in their own way. the yearning is to HAVE a baby of my own, to become a mother. there is also the other parts of pregnancy which i never got to - the second trimester, feeling my baby kick/move, having my belly grow (& not because i'm just fat)! i never could go past week 10 in my week-to-week pregnancy guidebook.
even b feels it. isn't that a miracle on its own? he would sometimes look downcast & then turn to me & say "i want a baby". so can you imagine the bond he had with our twins to feel this way? & he did not carry our babies! i'm just glad i basically forced him to talk to our babies every night. i made it into a habit for him & he benefited from it. he bonded with our babies.
i know how he feels as i feel it too. i guess he & i are the only ones who understand this yearning as we were in this together. all i can do now is hope & pray (& i do constantly) that God will bless us soon with a successful pregnancy & a healthy, perfect baby.
all i ask for is that everyone else support us as we start our journey - again (with good thoughts & prayers)