i went to do nails with my sister yesterday. i have started to enjoy spending time with her since my pregnancies. she in turn loves spending time with me because i pay for everything.
well, whenever i do nails now, i do not put on nail polish. i just get them buffed. some of you might think this extreme but i try my best to avoid any cosmetics or toxins that might get absorbed into my body. again, i'm playing it "better safe than sorry". besides, i do house work daily and usually my nails do get scuffed up and it would look unsightly with chipped nail polish on my nails.

s is getting married next weekend. thinking about her embarking on this path has made me reflect on my own journey.
it's been 2 1/2 years since our marriage, although i feel like b & i have been married forever. we've been together for 8 years now & our life together has been one hell of a roller coaster ride.
who knew that by now we would be trying for a baby (or babies!)? who knew that we would be ready to become parents now? who knew that we would go into the deepest darkest pits only to emerge on the opposite end stronger & closer than ever?
we originally gave ourselves 4 years of honeymooning, indulging in all our vices & more. & how long has it been now? it's funny how life works. when you are least expecting something to happen, it hits you right smack in the face & you actually enjoy it (well, i did anyway).
you know what? if ever i were given a chance to change the past, i would not change a single damn thing.

it was b's niece's birthday yesterday, so we went back home for dinner. she turned 3. the last time we saw her was 2 weeks ago & boy oh boy how fast she's grown! you can literally tell the difference. she can string along sentences now. 2 weeks ago she was still talking baby talk & gibberish.
we bought her a play-doh kitchen set & she really loves it. i must admit i myself had quite a bit of fun playing masak-masak with her last night.
i catch myself thinking that if i did not have problem pregnancies, she would have a little cousin to play with by now.

i have finally finished cleaning our home. YAY! now to get back to our normal routine............

b & i finally watched ironman the other day. we went to gsc premier. i must say, i kinda like it there. no crowds to deal with (always a plus point in my books).
when i was pregnant, i simply could not tolerate watching movies in the cinema. i don't know why. i'd get a massive headache, then my back would hurt, i would not be able to get comfortable & i would be extremely nauseous. it's almost akin to an allergy.
b loves to watch movies in the cinemas. me, i'm not such a big fan. although with the discovery of gsc premier, i'm getting into it. i guess we'll be watching more movies from now on before i do get pregnant!

i found this place that serves healthy food. they use mainly organic ingredients & they even cook their food in a healthy way. eg their fry-up is not fried. it's grilled!
it's name is yogi tree. it's located inside the gardens but in kind of a secluded area. it's just outside isetan on the 2nd floor (i think). b & i tried it the other day & the food was yummy. prices are also not steep. it's the usual market price.
definitely worth a try for those looking for healthy food.

since i've been at home, my neighbour has cornered me a couple of times. she's in her late forties or early fifties. she would tell me all the happenings in our condo and even the condo opposite us! these are all the ah sum gossips. m has already said that i am like mega ah sum now because i was relating the stories back to my friends.
i must admit, b & i used to avoid our neighbours like the plague. we just didn't want to have to be sociable & engage in idle chat. also, they are in our parents age group. looking back, we were so rude then!
now, although the chats can be long at times, i know that b & i are blessed to have good neighbours. they are friendly & helpful. besides, without her, i wouldn't know half of what's going on in our condo.
i know i want to be a housewife & stay-at-home mum, but i must try my hardest NOT to turn into the typical ones!

since b & i have started trying, i decided to pee on the stick since i'm expecting my cycle & it's not here yet. it said not pregnant but i asked b to check on it anyway. he's answer? - not yet. : ) when he said that, it warmed my heart.
actually, it might be a good thing if i'm not pregnant now. i feel like i let everything slide since last week. the whole of last week i was inhaling in dust, paint fumes & who knows what else (which all i would assume to be toxic & not good for a pregnant woman). i have also been using cleaning detergents like clorox & glass cleaners daily (the fumes which i also inhale). i know i mentioned that i was going bio-degradable but i was not going to throw out the stuff that i still had left! besides i think this would be a one-time off of major cleaning for me. so i decided to make everything super clean by killing out the germs (hopefully!). i still have not finished cleaning the home. i never thought i would take this long (it might have something to do with the fact that i'm doing this all on my own - hmmmmm). but well, if anyone of you do drop by after i'm done, you would be able to practically eat off my floors!
the other thing is, i went for a massage on sat. i chose the shiatsu massage where the masseuse really, really kneads your knots & she was even stepping all over me (again i stress i was moaning & groaning in pain & not out of pleasure!). so i guess it would not have been wise to get a massage whereby the masseuse was stepping on me rather forcefully all over including my lower back, if i was pregnant. & i might add, whenever she stopped on a "pressure point" she had to sorta give a little jump on that point to add that little oommph!
i did a foot reflex next & there were certain spots where he was "massaging" where it really hurt. since i don't speak mandarin, i didn't bother to ask what those spots were.
then we went out for dinner to celebrate s's b'day. i felt like drinking so i did. i thought since i hardly drink anymore, what's the harm? i wanted to drink anyway. i don't remember how many i had but i do know that it's way less than i used to be able to consume. i was high by the end of the night. i've realised that i can't drink like a fish anymore (which is a good sign in my books). i'm getting old & i hardly drink now. oh, not to forget, i have begun to feel like crap the next day. since i've given the other thing up, i'm thinking of giving up alcohol as well or maybe only indulge in the odd tipple for special occasions. sigh........slowly but surely i will be vice-less.
then there's all that junk that we have been consuming. yuck!
well, here's to getting back on the right track & not to forget the pleasures from our trying sessions! ; )

i found a solution to my vice: de-caf. i don't know why but i had this idea in my head that de-caf coffees suck. i thought it would taste weird or yucky. but i decided to try today. b bought for me from starbucks. did you know that you can get de-caf latte? and it tastes exactly like the normal coffee! (i know, i know i very ulu).
well, caffeine is not only found in coffee. it's also in sodas, tea & (this would be bad news for some who don't already know) chocolate! personally, i'm not a chocolate person. i only eat chocolate when i have a craving & it's only when there's a really blue moon out.
so i guess i'm not addicted to caffeine after all. yay!

i read recently that if a woman's pregnant, she should have no more than 2 cups of coffee a day. prior to this the limit was 4 cups. also, if a woman's trying to conceive, she should also stick to 2 cups or cut coffee out completely. obviously the facts & figures are changing & at least it's being updated.
die lo! how? like i mentioned in my earlier post, i had numerous cups of coffee per day the whole of last week (i'm guessing i had average 4 cups of coffee per day last week). sigh.....at least i didn't do it intentionally. well, like i said, tomorrow, b & i are going back to eating healthy so it's at least accounts for something! and for me personally, i'll try to stick to having one cup of coffee per day (right now, coffee is my only vice for those who know what i mean!)

i feel really grossed out. b & i have been living on fast food & take outs the whole of last week. our home was so, so dirty that i could not cook nor could we even use our utensils. b had to ta pau whatever that came ready to eat. so, fast food was the easiest choice. to top it off, i had numerous mugs of coffee to keep me awake during the day because all the dust was making my sinus act up.
i am still cleaning our home. i am estimating i need another 2/3 more days to get everything done. i can't wait to have a clean home once again and start cooking! i actually miss cooking & having a healthy home cooked meal.
i told b today's the last day of food crap. even though he still needs to ta pau food for another 2/3 days, it'd be salads & pastries!

i am so so thankful for b. we had a discussion 2/3 weeks back and we agreed that i would quit my job at our company & be a full-time housewife cum a stay-at-home mother (soon, i hope!). truth be told, i can no longer see myself in our company running it together with him. we got into a lot of arguments & then there was anger & resentment, & it would sometimes spill into our personal lives which made everything unhappy & unbearable.
it is so much better now. i can actually say that we are so much happier & it seems like this huge pressure has been lifted. we argue a lot less (for where is there a relationship without any fights?). i might even venture to say that we are more loving towards each other now (well, maybe I am because i'm a lot more submissive now!) & we actually take the time to savour each other's company (because we are not constantly seeing each other 24/7 now!)
i must admit, never in a million years would i imagine myself in this typical woman's role. i was always argumentative & head-strong (ie stubborn. head-strong is just a better way of saying it). i must also say, i am really enjoying my time at home: cleaning the home, doing laundry, cooking dinner for him, etc. this is so, so new to me - actually enjoying it.
i also know for a fact that we are both less stressed now. we are not at each other's throats over work anymore. after our first miscarriage, when we were trying, there was a lot going on back then, with work & his granny being really ill. when we did find the time to try, it was either he could not perform or i was entirely put off by the sheer idea of him touching me (me not performing). well, he certainly has no problems now! he's ready anytime, anywhere, at the drop of a pin! I am trying to keep up!
i'm just tying up loose ends for the company now & handing them over. we have not actually put a final date to it, it'll just be whenever everything's done which works out for both of us.
oh! also, he's encouraging me to start something on my own & i do have a couple of ideas of what i want to do. of course all these ideas revolve around pregnancy & motherhood & i must say, he's really excited about a number of them. well, i have already started researching some of them before i make a decision. but of course with the defects list this week & the major cleaning operation i have to do, top with tying up loose ends for the company, i'm just taking it easy with "my business".
again, i'm so glad that i have got b as a husband. he's supportive, encourages me AND most importantly, he believes in me. : )

we are doing our home defects list this whole week. & i must say its horrendous! the amount of dust coating EVERYTHING is unimaginable. as there are cracks on the walls & even the ceiling, they have to hack the walls to re-cement them. i'm staying home to watch the workers & cleaning at the same time. thankfully they are doing it room by room so that we can at least have one clean room!
i opted not to get any help in throughout this week as i figured that i would be wasting time & money. i would still have to supervise the help as i would not want them to skip corners. besides if i'm home, i might as well just clean (& i might add that i do a damn good job!)
we have been postponing our defects list as we were dreading it. it has now been 2 years. we figured since i'm not pregnant now, we might as well do it. we definitely would not want to do this during a pregnancy & also not when a baby has arrived!

that's why i've not been blogging lately (although i DO have a lot to say). i'm too busy cleaning!

dear God,

it's me e. i would like to start off with thanking you for all the blessings in my life. i have a loving family, good in-laws, amazing friends, am financially secure and not forgetting a truly wonderful and supportive husband.
as b & i embark on trying for a baby, we leave it in your hands. we completely trust you. we know that you have plans for us & you want the best for us.
i know this is not going to be an easy journey as we do not know "when" it will happen. i might get impatient & frustrated. but when i do get too engrossed in self pity, please give me a nudge to remind me of the blessings you have already given me.
i know that you will never give us more than we can humanly take.

love,
e

dear friends,

i want all of you to know that i really treasure our friendships. all of you mean so much to me. you are always there through the good, bad & downright ugly! although some of us might not meet or talk as often, you were there whenever i needed you. you gave me comfort & consoled me. you made me feel better. you made my world sunny again. i constantly thank God for all of you. i am truly blessed to have such wonderful friends.
i hope i have been as good a friend to all of you as you have been to me. if i have fallen short, please forgive me. i will try harder. i know i am not perfect.
throughout the course of our friendships, i hope i have been supportive towards your dreams, dilemmas, and choices. i hope i have been giving good or at the very least, reasonable advice. i might not have agreed or understood all your decisions, but at least i have been supportive of you. i have always been there. i'm always on your side & i always want the best for you. i only have good thoughts & prayers for you.
i would like to let you know that b & i have started trying again (albeit taking it lightly because we are sometimes too lazy to do it!). i know that all of you will not be able to understand our decision & i do not blame you. how can you understand if you are not in our shoes? how can you understand the yearning?
some of you will question why, why, why? even tell me that maybe God is saying it's not the right time yet. well, that may be true. b & i KNOW that ONLY God has the power to bless us with a child. it is all in His hands. He has plans for us & He will only bless us with a baby at His timing. but this doesn't mean that b & i do not have to do our part. it can't be the immaculate conception! we'll do our part & when God thinks it's the right time, it will happen.
just as i have supported some of you through stuff (sometimes it was the same thing over AND over again)which i did not agree with, i would like to ask for your support now. just be happy for b & i. WE are happy. so why not join us & share our joy? just have good thoughts & prayers for us.

love,
e

p/s: one way to look at it is we are making a baby (something good) and not selling drugs or dvds or wife swapping!

it's so not fair! i have gained 2kg! what are the odds? i stayed the same weight throughout BOTH pregnancies & now that i'm not pregnant anymore, i gain weight. what more: i have been eating healthy AND cooking! sigh........