my 14 year old uncle rocking me (he was not allowed to carry me AND stand up at the same time then). he simply dotes on me. he will just sit and watch me sleep. and he never gets tired of me!

so..........it has started.....................i do not bat an eyelid when plonking down RM119 each on baby's clothes. but i hyperventilate when i see a top that costs the same for me. i only buy bajus on extreme sale and NEVER over RM60 now. how sad..............and to think that his bajus has so little cloth!

the many faces of our little shaolin monk (as b puts it)

my rocker and i

new things baby c has learnt:

• to hold in his spit-ups to then spew it all out like a fountain
• that he has hands! he likes to try to fit his whole fists into his mouth
• to sneeze while never letting go of his latch to my breast (he sneezes with my nipple still in his mouth, then he acts as if nothing happened and continues suckling)
• to purse his lips before he bursts into tears
• to lift his bum-bum when i want to wash his back to make it easier for me to wash him (it's a long story. my tub is one with contours so it's difficult for me to turn him onto his front to wash his back)

so.........last week baby c went through non-stop crying sessions in the mornings. it was pure torture - for me!!!! nothing i did could soothe him. i thought he was in pain and after three continuous mornings with him crying non-stop, off to the doctor's we went. the diagnosis? colic.
contrary to popular belief, colic is NOT gas/wind. while having gas/wind can be a cause of colic, colic is defined as indeterminate crying. to diagnose colic, baby has to cry for 3 hours straight, 3 days in a row, usually at nights and starting from 3 weeks. well, baby c fit the first two criteria. and hence, we were given dentinox. this apparently calms babies down. we were supposed to notice a change in him after two days. well, i can't say for sure if it's the dentinox because i kept on forgetting to give it to baby but his crying bouts did stop. what a sigh of relief!
to be stuck at home - alone - without help or breaks with a howling baby is no joke. it can literally drive you mad. but all praises to god because he has not have any crying sessions anymore! and no he did not have wind in his tummy...............


two ways of pure torture (in case anyone ever needs tips): sleep deprivation AND a non-stop crying baby hour after hour!

things i never thought i'd miss:

• eating food hot or at the very least warm. this goes for my drinks as well. i do not remember what a hot drink tastes like anymore
• not having to rush through a meal
• the luxury of going to the loo whenever the need arises!
• just picking up and leaving to do whatever it is i feel like doing
• watching a movie in the cinema
• the luxury of time to do whatever i want; eg reading, the crossword puzzle, watching a movie straight through

things that have not changed since my pregnancy:

• i can't fit into my pre-pregnancy shoes anymore
• i can't fit into any of my rings (time for a new wedding ring from b? an upgrade perhaps!)
• i'm still tired all the time (at least this makes sense)

on the other hand, i must say i've gotten really good at multitasking (not that i was bad before) and packing as much as i can do into what little free time i have (very productive). the best gift baby has given me is to teach me to just let chores be and just to sit around and just enjoy him! : )

• ever since i suspended breastfeeding during the time i had my abdominal pains, i've had difficulties in getting baby to feed from my breasts. i do not know how he learned so quickly to reject my breasts for feeds. he only wants the bottles during feed times and my breasts for comfort suckling. sigh..........so now i express out my milk for him to put into the bottles for feeds. i guess since he takes his food so seriously he couldn't be bothered to work at my breasts to get the milk out. so lazy.......
• i've since learnt that a full-time mothering job is a real test in patience AND endurance!! for those who know me well, i am seriously lacking in both departments. so ahem.......it's been a struggle BUT it's getting better.
• i've also learnt that you can never plan or learn everything in relation to what you would and would not do in raising your baby. everything i ever read about raising baby has flown out the door! sometimes you just have to wing it and follow your instincts.
• i'm now living on baby's time. he rules my world now. we never get to wherever we want to go on time anymore (which is so different for me).

entertaining myself when i refused to go to bed at midnight.

thank you auntie p for the organic bamboo kimono and swaddle. they are so soft! the kimono has made it a breeze for mummy to change my diapers during the wee hours of the morning when everyone's half asleep!

thank you auntie g for the onesies (especially the 100% organic cotton!). i love that one so much that i wore it for my full moon do!

saying hi to auntie who's in leeds

the first day that i was all alone with baby, i'll admit that i was terrified and nervous. i got so used to having people around and not looking after him myself that i went into a comfort zone. the morning was terrible. he wouldn't sleep and wanted to be carried the whole morning. by the time b came home for lunch, i was in tears. it was so tough! i was wondering why was it so easy for the confinement lady to handle him and not me? i was questioning myself. b offered to bring baby to the office but i refused(i wonder how that would work?). i knew that i had to persevere and to adjust to baby and to learn how to handle him. so i marched on through the afternoon. although it was not perfect, it was much better than the morning session.
and now here i am one week later, and i must say i'm glad i persevered and both baby and i thoroughly enjoy our times together. i can not believe that within a week, we have fallen into more or less a routine. i'd get up bright and early before 7 and prepare for the day ahead. wash bottles, sterilise, disinfect changing table, empty diaper bin, do laundry, do the floors then have breakfast. by that time, baby is half awake. b will bring him out to me and i'd clean him up and change him. then it's either he goes back to sleep or we'll have a "wakeful" period where i talk and sing to him and he coos, smiles and laughs back at me. and after this session, it's feeding time and then down for a nap. before his next feed (which is 3 hourly now), he'll get up and we'll have tummy time. by then b would be back with lunch. sometimes, baby will also entertain himself and i'd do some household chores. when b is back, i get an hour to eat, pump, wash and sterilise bottles and bathe (for all the spit-ups, pees, sneezes and sometimes poop!) before he heads back to work. baby will have naps and another round of "wakeful" period and tummy time in the afternoon. b will arrive home from work at about 6ish and then i'll prepare baby's bath. baby has his bath, then a feed and then he's off to bed. and i must say, this routine has stuck and i'm pretty happy about it as baby's in bed latest by 7pm.
after 7, b and i will have our own time to do our own things. for me, it'd be to catch up on household chores or if i'm really tired, i'd just eat then off to bed i go for the night sessions. b handles baby at night and the nighttime feeds while i prepare the bottles for him to feed baby. then the same routine starts again the next day. well, i'm just happy that both baby and i have finally adjusted to each other and though there are still some bad moments (eg wanting to be carried all the time, won't sleep soundly, lack of sleep, diaper explosions and baby's not co-operating by wailing and squirming so much that poo gets everywhere - not pretty) i must say that when he looks at me and smiles, laughs and coos, everything is totally worth it. i guess babies have a way of making the good times extremely outweigh the bad times!